changed my mind

Well it finally happened, in some way I guess I always thought it would. it was in the back of my head, I've decided not to go to china next year. I've decided not to move out of my house, I've decided to go back to school and just finish it up, which may take 3 years or so. I know this is the right choice because as soon as I made it I was instantly relived. I suddenly relaxed. I don't regret this break I've taken from school this term because it gave me a chance to step back, see things in a bit of prospective. and also got a view of my life if I decided not to do college. Fred Meyer is a short lived piece of my life that I will be glad to leave behind, I'm gonna quite when school starts again for the winter term in January.

I do feel bad that I have to stay with my parents for the next 3 years or so, but I had a really long conversation with my mom the other night and it put things in prospective. One thing I realized when my mom was telling a story about my dad. I realized that if I had stayed in school, I could have graduated by now. and it sucks to know that, and if I decided not to go back to school, in 3 years I would be just as unhappy and stuck as I feel now, and I would still be saying, "if I had just stayed with it I could be done by now." so I just have to suck it up, live with my parents for a few more years. I can feel it's the right path though, as long as i haven't graduated I'll always feel like I'm living in limbo. the whole time I was in china I would be feeling the pressure of school on my back. China, and the job, were just ways of running away, they were just a quick way to happiness that wouldn't have really made me happy.

I'm gonna change to a psychology major, because I know that I want to help people in my life, and that i could easily be happy in one of the avenues in which psychology can be used to help people. at some point I think I would like to go forward with a masters or PhD, and become a therapist in some capacity. Though I don't think i would jump ahead with graduate school right after i finished school, I would probably get a job and find a way to continue with school after I had worked for a while. these are all just Ideas I've had, and for the first time in a long time I am thinking about and actually caring about my future in a positive way.

so I feel better at the moment, I'm not so terrified anymore. I feel confident in my choice for the first time in a long time. I still have problems for sure, but they seem so much more manageable now. I think I'm gonna be ok.