Thursday, March 19, 2009
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
A Dream I Had
"I used to think I would live to be 90 or something, I was always sure of that, but now I suddenly feel unsure weather I'll live even another 10 years." I was responding to her question "how long do you think you will live"
"I guess it just depends on which road we pick, on which path of fate we activate, or maybe it's a road of faith. there is no telling which one will be best, but maybe faith is what makes all the difference. But I think it's love, before I had my heart broken, I felt I cold live forever, now I'm not sure if I can take that much pain again, it's made me feel so old. And life with out love, thats not life."
"this is taking so long" she said leaning her forehead against the wall, rocking side to side so her head rolled over the wood paneling. She turned to me now with a bright red face, me sitting in the kids rocking chair. "do you want to break my heart?" she said to me forcefully, trying to get the words out, yet quietly at the same time. her vulnerability caught me off guard, I had never known her to be truly uncomfortable. I had never seen her act this way before. Taking in the beauty of those words, at the same time, I couldn't believe she was saying what she was. "what do you mean?"
she walked over to me. she bent down at her waist keeping her legs strait, she came slowly towards my face then veered slightly left kissing me softly on the cheek, her lips just barely catching the corner of mine. Now my face was the red one, she had regained all her confidence, as I nodded my head in a goofy smile. "yeah, I do"
"I guess it just depends on which road we pick, on which path of fate we activate, or maybe it's a road of faith. there is no telling which one will be best, but maybe faith is what makes all the difference. But I think it's love, before I had my heart broken, I felt I cold live forever, now I'm not sure if I can take that much pain again, it's made me feel so old. And life with out love, thats not life."
"this is taking so long" she said leaning her forehead against the wall, rocking side to side so her head rolled over the wood paneling. She turned to me now with a bright red face, me sitting in the kids rocking chair. "do you want to break my heart?" she said to me forcefully, trying to get the words out, yet quietly at the same time. her vulnerability caught me off guard, I had never known her to be truly uncomfortable. I had never seen her act this way before. Taking in the beauty of those words, at the same time, I couldn't believe she was saying what she was. "what do you mean?"
she walked over to me. she bent down at her waist keeping her legs strait, she came slowly towards my face then veered slightly left kissing me softly on the cheek, her lips just barely catching the corner of mine. Now my face was the red one, she had regained all her confidence, as I nodded my head in a goofy smile. "yeah, I do"
Friday, March 13, 2009
Cancer
So yesterday I found out my mom has cancer. She's gonna have a hysterectomy in the next little bit. But she has really low iron, which shes always had, so before she can have surgery she'll have to go in for iron treatments for a while. Then I don't know if there will be any kind of radiation or chemo or anything like that. she is expecting to miss a month of work so I imagine it'll be something like that
So far it really hasn't had a big impact on me. It sounds like they found it early and the doctors pretty much think that this will be the end of it after the surgery, so for the moment I'm not worried. As I learn more that could change, but for now I'm not too scared, and neither are my parents. My mom was crying a bit when she told me, but for the rest of the night we just watched tv and joked around and argued about dishes like always. we're just going about our normal stuff for now. I'm not sure when she'll start doing all this stuff but I imagine they'd want to do it pretty quickly. anyway, this is short, not much to say.
So far it really hasn't had a big impact on me. It sounds like they found it early and the doctors pretty much think that this will be the end of it after the surgery, so for the moment I'm not worried. As I learn more that could change, but for now I'm not too scared, and neither are my parents. My mom was crying a bit when she told me, but for the rest of the night we just watched tv and joked around and argued about dishes like always. we're just going about our normal stuff for now. I'm not sure when she'll start doing all this stuff but I imagine they'd want to do it pretty quickly. anyway, this is short, not much to say.
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