Monday, October 24, 2011
I'm in China
Hello, if you came to this sight looking for the blog "Wander Sage" about my travels in China starting Nov. 2nd 2011, then you are in the wrong place. To view that blog please continue on to http://sagewanders.blogspot.com/
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
New Blog
hey everyone who ever read this blog, check out my new blog WITH PICTURES! at http://watercolorpanda.blogspot.com/
Monday, December 6, 2010
I'm trying something new at the moment, I'm thinking about starting a new blogspot blog with pictures that I draw from MS Paint. We'll see, I'm just posting here to see how it'd look.
then here is some more text about some interesting thing and then I'll put another picture but this will just be the same picture
Thursday, September 2, 2010
The New Blog
Hey there I know it's been quite a while since I posted anything but I got myself a fancy new tumblr account where I'm starting a new blog. Here's the address.
http://wandersage.tumblr.com/
hope you guys who have read this blog will enjoy my new one as well thank you all for reading.
http://wandersage.tumblr.com/
hope you guys who have read this blog will enjoy my new one as well thank you all for reading.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
The End
I have decided that this blog was created as a method for hashing out the story of Rye. To deal with the hurt and pain that came from that, to simple digest the enormous weight that it left in my gut. But I think that the story is pretty much over, I've gotten through the most of it and there isn't much left to talk about. I've decided it's time to end this blog, and to put all that I went though behind me. I'm gonna start a new blog in a little while, a blog with more purpose, about something that I have a lot of passion about, but when that will start depends largely on how much school work and work work I have this coming term. When it's up and running I'll post the link here so you all can find it, but until then this blog is closed. Thanks to everyone who ever read on of my depressing or confusing posts, it was knowing that someone was reading this that I felt motivated to write when I did.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Response to abusive e-mails
Rye's boyfriend has been sending me a lot of letters lately, won't stop sending them actually, one after another telling me to kill myself, making fun of me for living at home, going into the details of how exactly she cheated on me including what they did and where they did it. I was ignoring them for quite a while, but finally wrote this response
Alright Luke, I suppose persistence pays off.
You know I have been wondering why over and over you keep sending me these letters. I've wondered why it is that my opinion about your relationship has been so important to you. What exactly do you get out of this. I've got two theories. 1 you feel threatened, you are scared by the fact that Rye has been keeping things from you so you're trying to figure out everything you can. I've been there, I know how that feels to know there are secrets that she is refusing to tell. It hurts, I remember. It makes you lash out anyway you can. and since I'm the clearest cause of your problems, I'm the easiest one to attack, I accept that, i accept your pain, if you ask me I deserve it.
the other theory though is that I think you are an excelent manipulator, you know what is going on, you can feel it. So you are grasping at anyway to keep Rye loving you. You know that when I attack you, she raises the "luke" flag as high up the flag pole as she can, she does nothing but sing your praises. When she is defending you deep in her heart she shows nothing but devotion to you. as you felt her slipping away these past few weeks or months perhaps it is when I attacked you with that letter that you felt the first feelings of renewed attachment from her in a very long time. And you know, it doesn't really bother me any more. I'm happy to let her go, and happy to let you go.
Did you ever watch those cartoons when you were a kid, where the cartoon Cat is always trying to kill the cartoon mouse? That cat just chases that mouse his whole life, all he wants to do is kill it any way he can, devising all sorts of methods from TNT to anvils. There is the one episode though where the cat finally kills the mouse, and suddenly the cat is struck by remorse, suddenly the cat realizes he's become a murderer, he had no idea it was what he was becomeing but it's what he's become non the less. (of course the mouse isn't really dead, he's just fakeing and the episode usually ends with a renewed vigor on the part of the cat to kill the mouse again)
You see I realize now that I've been trying to get rye to hate me for a long time, I didn't even know that was my goal until it finally happened. Now she hates me and I find with that I've let go of all the hate I ever had. i remember when we were going through our breakup, and I was so angry, so sad, and I would just yell at her for hours. I told her that I just hate her, I hated her so much and I remember she said "that's ok, you've given me all your love, now, give me all your hate" it took a couple years but I see now I have given her all my hate because I have non left. But now like that cat I feel shame and guilt, I never wanted to kill the innocent kindness, the limitless compassion that I always felt Rye had, but now I think I have, I think I did something that i will regret forever, though I also think it was inevitable, as long as I had that hate I would always be trying to give it to her.
I'll give you what you want though, I'll tell you what happened.
6 months ago Rye showed up on my facebook account, I immidiatly unfriended her, but she was persistent and finally I accepted her friend request. I was terrifyied, I didn't know what to do because suddenly all that anger that had been burried deep inside me welled up. Luckily I had friends and family around to support me, but still it was hard I didn't know what to do. when we started talking I was very abusive. I yelled at Rye a bit, asked her why things had happened the way they had, but of course those things didn't get manny answers, Rye is a strong person, and she will do anything to protect herself. But over time we started haveing good conversations. we started talking about what had happened and it really gave me a lot of perspective, I came to a lot of peace that had been missing in my life because of this unfinished business.
Until now I just thought that Rye was also dealing with unfinished business, I just assumed it was about her and me and us trying to let go of the past, I had no idea you two were having problems though I suppose there were a few conversations that we had that could have clued me in to that if I'd payed attention. I'm looking through the chat history now.
when I asked if she loved you she said "I don't know if I know what love is" you know that evasive way she answers questions when she is ashamed of the truth. when i asked if she had ever truely loved me she said "I know there will always be a part of me that loves you" (when she said that to me it made me so angery, I couldn't believe she would dare say that to me. I'd spent so long trying to forget she existed and then suddenly here she was telling me she still loved me, bringing up all those old feelings, I was in a bad way for a few days after that conversation) I asked "do you think you will marry him" she said she doesn't know if she ever wants to get married. when I asked if she had thought she was going to marry me, she said yes. When I asked if you knew she was talking to me she said "yes, I think he's not very happy about it" funny how even in that lie she seemed to know what she was doing would hurt you if you knew.
in that letter you sent me Rye said that "one day I was bored so I got in contact with Ian" it's interesting how both of you claim the only reason that you sought me out was that you were bored. If you truly believe that the only reason you wanted to talk with me was because you were bored then certainly I understand how you could believe that the only reason Rye would want to talk with me was cause she was also just bored one day, and that's all. if that's true then great, no worries.
did Rye ever tell you about the fotune teller? the Chinese astrologer who told her that she shouldn't fall inlove before she turned 23? I never really believed in that stuff, but I do wonder if I've played the demon that was supposed to rise up from such behavior. She's 21 now, 2 years to go, I hope you guys make it.
so you've sent me 6 or 7 e-mails in the last half hour or so, telling me to kill myself, insulting me, begging me to write you. You know I read the first few as they came in, while I've been writing this, and they really hurt, honestly made my heart beat fast, made my hands shake, all that stuff. The middle batch lost their bite, I guess I felt a kind of immunity at that point you just saying the same things over nd over. the last couple though, they've just made me laugh, not laughing at you, again like I said I understand attacking me, it's not ridiculous or crazy, it's normal, and I accept it.
I laughed because I suddenly realized it wasn't effecting me. I finally got that all those words no longer hurt like they would have just a few months ago, You said you were having sex while I was calling Rye, crying on the phone, man that sucks, that really hurts, but it's not that bad. You tell me you went to qing chen shan? man that was a really important place for me and Rye, it was the first time I knew I really loved her, and it really sucks that she took you there, but it's not killing me, it's not hurting me anymore, it's not great, but it is just fine, and to be fine with that, to be ok with all these things that you're telling me, it's the surest sign that I've ever had that I'm truly moving past this, that I won't have my life defined by what happened with me and Rye, and that's the best I've felt in a very long time. For that I want to thank you, I know it wasn't your intention, but I do want to say thank you, not sarcastically, not because I want to get a rise out of you, but because honestly I believe that you have helped me more than anyone else could have. you've played an integral part in me becoming a caring confident man again.
I meant it what I said before, I do hope you and Rye can be happy, Rye deserves to be happy after what I've put her through. And again I want to say she is welcome to contact me any time she wants, not because I need to talk with her, but because if I banish her from my life I know I'll never be able to hold on to peace. I can't stand the idea that there is anyone out there that I refuse entry into my life.
if you continue to send me messages I'll read them probably at first, but if the content doesn't change I'll probably just start deleting them, they become boring if they never change, I could block you and block rye, but like I said, I'm not interested in kicking people out of my life.
May you be happy, may you be healthy, may you have peace, may you feel loved
Alright Luke, I suppose persistence pays off.
You know I have been wondering why over and over you keep sending me these letters. I've wondered why it is that my opinion about your relationship has been so important to you. What exactly do you get out of this. I've got two theories. 1 you feel threatened, you are scared by the fact that Rye has been keeping things from you so you're trying to figure out everything you can. I've been there, I know how that feels to know there are secrets that she is refusing to tell. It hurts, I remember. It makes you lash out anyway you can. and since I'm the clearest cause of your problems, I'm the easiest one to attack, I accept that, i accept your pain, if you ask me I deserve it.
the other theory though is that I think you are an excelent manipulator, you know what is going on, you can feel it. So you are grasping at anyway to keep Rye loving you. You know that when I attack you, she raises the "luke" flag as high up the flag pole as she can, she does nothing but sing your praises. When she is defending you deep in her heart she shows nothing but devotion to you. as you felt her slipping away these past few weeks or months perhaps it is when I attacked you with that letter that you felt the first feelings of renewed attachment from her in a very long time. And you know, it doesn't really bother me any more. I'm happy to let her go, and happy to let you go.
Did you ever watch those cartoons when you were a kid, where the cartoon Cat is always trying to kill the cartoon mouse? That cat just chases that mouse his whole life, all he wants to do is kill it any way he can, devising all sorts of methods from TNT to anvils. There is the one episode though where the cat finally kills the mouse, and suddenly the cat is struck by remorse, suddenly the cat realizes he's become a murderer, he had no idea it was what he was becomeing but it's what he's become non the less. (of course the mouse isn't really dead, he's just fakeing and the episode usually ends with a renewed vigor on the part of the cat to kill the mouse again)
You see I realize now that I've been trying to get rye to hate me for a long time, I didn't even know that was my goal until it finally happened. Now she hates me and I find with that I've let go of all the hate I ever had. i remember when we were going through our breakup, and I was so angry, so sad, and I would just yell at her for hours. I told her that I just hate her, I hated her so much and I remember she said "that's ok, you've given me all your love, now, give me all your hate" it took a couple years but I see now I have given her all my hate because I have non left. But now like that cat I feel shame and guilt, I never wanted to kill the innocent kindness, the limitless compassion that I always felt Rye had, but now I think I have, I think I did something that i will regret forever, though I also think it was inevitable, as long as I had that hate I would always be trying to give it to her.
I'll give you what you want though, I'll tell you what happened.
6 months ago Rye showed up on my facebook account, I immidiatly unfriended her, but she was persistent and finally I accepted her friend request. I was terrifyied, I didn't know what to do because suddenly all that anger that had been burried deep inside me welled up. Luckily I had friends and family around to support me, but still it was hard I didn't know what to do. when we started talking I was very abusive. I yelled at Rye a bit, asked her why things had happened the way they had, but of course those things didn't get manny answers, Rye is a strong person, and she will do anything to protect herself. But over time we started haveing good conversations. we started talking about what had happened and it really gave me a lot of perspective, I came to a lot of peace that had been missing in my life because of this unfinished business.
Until now I just thought that Rye was also dealing with unfinished business, I just assumed it was about her and me and us trying to let go of the past, I had no idea you two were having problems though I suppose there were a few conversations that we had that could have clued me in to that if I'd payed attention. I'm looking through the chat history now.
when I asked if she loved you she said "I don't know if I know what love is" you know that evasive way she answers questions when she is ashamed of the truth. when i asked if she had ever truely loved me she said "I know there will always be a part of me that loves you" (when she said that to me it made me so angery, I couldn't believe she would dare say that to me. I'd spent so long trying to forget she existed and then suddenly here she was telling me she still loved me, bringing up all those old feelings, I was in a bad way for a few days after that conversation) I asked "do you think you will marry him" she said she doesn't know if she ever wants to get married. when I asked if she had thought she was going to marry me, she said yes. When I asked if you knew she was talking to me she said "yes, I think he's not very happy about it" funny how even in that lie she seemed to know what she was doing would hurt you if you knew.
in that letter you sent me Rye said that "one day I was bored so I got in contact with Ian" it's interesting how both of you claim the only reason that you sought me out was that you were bored. If you truly believe that the only reason you wanted to talk with me was because you were bored then certainly I understand how you could believe that the only reason Rye would want to talk with me was cause she was also just bored one day, and that's all. if that's true then great, no worries.
did Rye ever tell you about the fotune teller? the Chinese astrologer who told her that she shouldn't fall inlove before she turned 23? I never really believed in that stuff, but I do wonder if I've played the demon that was supposed to rise up from such behavior. She's 21 now, 2 years to go, I hope you guys make it.
so you've sent me 6 or 7 e-mails in the last half hour or so, telling me to kill myself, insulting me, begging me to write you. You know I read the first few as they came in, while I've been writing this, and they really hurt, honestly made my heart beat fast, made my hands shake, all that stuff. The middle batch lost their bite, I guess I felt a kind of immunity at that point you just saying the same things over nd over. the last couple though, they've just made me laugh, not laughing at you, again like I said I understand attacking me, it's not ridiculous or crazy, it's normal, and I accept it.
I laughed because I suddenly realized it wasn't effecting me. I finally got that all those words no longer hurt like they would have just a few months ago, You said you were having sex while I was calling Rye, crying on the phone, man that sucks, that really hurts, but it's not that bad. You tell me you went to qing chen shan? man that was a really important place for me and Rye, it was the first time I knew I really loved her, and it really sucks that she took you there, but it's not killing me, it's not hurting me anymore, it's not great, but it is just fine, and to be fine with that, to be ok with all these things that you're telling me, it's the surest sign that I've ever had that I'm truly moving past this, that I won't have my life defined by what happened with me and Rye, and that's the best I've felt in a very long time. For that I want to thank you, I know it wasn't your intention, but I do want to say thank you, not sarcastically, not because I want to get a rise out of you, but because honestly I believe that you have helped me more than anyone else could have. you've played an integral part in me becoming a caring confident man again.
I meant it what I said before, I do hope you and Rye can be happy, Rye deserves to be happy after what I've put her through. And again I want to say she is welcome to contact me any time she wants, not because I need to talk with her, but because if I banish her from my life I know I'll never be able to hold on to peace. I can't stand the idea that there is anyone out there that I refuse entry into my life.
if you continue to send me messages I'll read them probably at first, but if the content doesn't change I'll probably just start deleting them, they become boring if they never change, I could block you and block rye, but like I said, I'm not interested in kicking people out of my life.
May you be happy, may you be healthy, may you have peace, may you feel loved
Friday, December 4, 2009
Hate
The other day Rye's boyfriend, the guy she cheated on me with, sent me a friend request on facebook. I mustered every bit of evil I'd experience in the last 2 yeas and sent it in the form of a private message. The problem was my heart wasn't in it. After 2 years of grinding an ax to bury in his scull the first chance I got, I found I didn't have the hate I used to have. I wasn't as angry as I had been. I still sent the message, as I felt I somehow owed it to all the pain I'd dealt with over this time, owed it to my past self. But I didn't really mean what I said, even if I wished I did.
Rye then responded with an end to our friendship. I responded with some mean words again, and now it seems I've finally managed to make her hate me. I guess I didn't really realize that had been my goal for so long, not until it finally happened. I feel like the cartoon dog who's been trying to kill the cartoon cat his whole life, and then when he finally succeeds, he is surprised to feel like a murderer.
But I don't feel that bad. I'm sad for the relationship I killed with Rye again. But it was already dead. I'll be sad for a day or two maybe, but in the end I'm not going to hurt like I used to, I'm not going to die again, I'm stronger than that now, and I made peace with Rye already.
In talking with Rye I found peace, I found a little bit of understanding, but also discovered that I shouldn't need to understand what happened to give forgiveness, I shouldn't need to understand what happened to move on. I realized that Rye will never know why she did what she did because she doesn't want to, and so she would never be able to tell me. I can't spend my whole life waiting to know before I can move on.
These last few months were big for me getting back on track in school finally, coming to peace with my past, and letting go of the things that were holding me back.
So now there is a person that is in the world that hates me. I think she is the first, maybe other people have been annoyed by me, maybe they thought I was pompous, or naive, or over zealous, but she's the first to truly hate me, and it doesn't feel good, but I'm at peace with it, I accept it. I no longer have the fear like I had for so long that I am unlovable, I no longer fear the future and what new pain it will bring, I accept what is headed my way seen or unseen. I am stronger now, and I am finally putting my past away.
Rye then responded with an end to our friendship. I responded with some mean words again, and now it seems I've finally managed to make her hate me. I guess I didn't really realize that had been my goal for so long, not until it finally happened. I feel like the cartoon dog who's been trying to kill the cartoon cat his whole life, and then when he finally succeeds, he is surprised to feel like a murderer.
But I don't feel that bad. I'm sad for the relationship I killed with Rye again. But it was already dead. I'll be sad for a day or two maybe, but in the end I'm not going to hurt like I used to, I'm not going to die again, I'm stronger than that now, and I made peace with Rye already.
In talking with Rye I found peace, I found a little bit of understanding, but also discovered that I shouldn't need to understand what happened to give forgiveness, I shouldn't need to understand what happened to move on. I realized that Rye will never know why she did what she did because she doesn't want to, and so she would never be able to tell me. I can't spend my whole life waiting to know before I can move on.
These last few months were big for me getting back on track in school finally, coming to peace with my past, and letting go of the things that were holding me back.
So now there is a person that is in the world that hates me. I think she is the first, maybe other people have been annoyed by me, maybe they thought I was pompous, or naive, or over zealous, but she's the first to truly hate me, and it doesn't feel good, but I'm at peace with it, I accept it. I no longer have the fear like I had for so long that I am unlovable, I no longer fear the future and what new pain it will bring, I accept what is headed my way seen or unseen. I am stronger now, and I am finally putting my past away.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Shadows of Black Elk
Black Elk's life has been one of the most influential voices in the spiritual environment of the United States. His life influenced many aspects of the native American culture, both within the Oglala Sioux, his own tribe, and across the nations of American Indian tribes. Born at a time before his people had made contact with white settlers, his introduction to them would change his life, and change the person he might have become. His experience in the wild west shows, and his connection with the catholic church would spread his name and his influence, but it wasn't till the author and poet John G. Neihardt described this holy man in his book Black Elk Speaks did Black Elk gain nationwide renown.
But How can we really say we know anything about Black Elk? This man lived a tremendous life, and had been influenced by so much of the blooming American country drunk on manifest destiny, but we know next to nothing of him, and his history. In fact we know far less about him than most people would expect.
Black Elk did not speak much English and so his life has largely been interpreted for him through sources other than himself. He could not write his own story and depended on others to tell it. But We can see through the many books written about him that he has been interpreted differently by each person who studied him based on the reason they had to listen. There is no primary source on Black Elk, no personal account of his own life. None of us has ever looked upon him and now we find we can only guess at who he was based on the shadows he casts. The light shining behind him that drove his life might never be understood. What we are left with is a myth of a man that was holy to many though few agree about what made him so. So what was Black Elk? A saint? A fool? A servant of Jesus? These are the questions we've asked of him for years, but they have long been the wrong questions. Inquiries by scholars of a mystic rarely entice true responses.
The Visions
In Neihardt's book the story of Black Elk's childhood is told. When he was very young he became sick enough that many thought he would die, a healer was called to tend to him but despite that Black Elk was unconscious for 12 days. Black Elk describes visions that he had during this time.
“behold the earth!” So I looked down and saw it lying yonder like a hoop of peoples and in the center bloomed the holy stick that was a tree and where it stood there crossed two roads, a red one and a black. “From where the giant lives (the north) to where you always face (the south) the red road goes, the road of good,” the Grandfather said,”and on it shall your nation walk. The black road goes from where the thunder beings live (west) to where the sun continually shines (the east), a fearful road, a rod of trouble and of war. On this also you shall walk, and from it you shall have the power to destroy a people's foes. In four ascents you shall walk the earth with power.” (J. Neihardt)
During this vision Black Elk is brought to the Sky to meet with the grandfathers of the universe, the creators of the world. He is given two gifts. One, water in a cup that he says represents the power to heal and grow life, the other a bow, the power to destroy beings and nations. In other words he is given the powers of life, birth and death being the two sides of the coin of living.
In addition to this he describes his nation as a hoop of people, and at the center of the hoop is the tree that he later describes as the tree of life growing at the top of the sacred mountain, which was his reference to Harney Peak in South Dakota. The two roads, the roads of destruction and the road good life cross right at the the sacred place where the tree of life grows, this is the symbolism saying that life is the balance point of these two forces that are the same as the two powers given to him by the ancient grandfathers. Though the vision is very long and includes many other symbols that are interpreted or not, I believe this to be the core message of his vision. It is a revelation to Black Elk of the nature of things, a giving of understanding about the life of his own nation, and the message that with this knowledge he is the voice of the grandfathers and those who know, to heal, and to teach his people, to engage them in the processes of life. He is not ordained into a system of man, but a system of transcendent understanding. This is a realization that I believe would influence his future actions.
The other major realization was that of the hoops. He says that he saw his nation as a hoop, which was one of many hoops that all existed and influenced each other. This understanding of different peoples interacting and having influence would, I believe, lead to his future relations with the new settlers.
The problem that arises comes from Neihardt him self. Neihardt was a self described spiritual student of Black Elk's, and a poet (H. Neihardt). He took on the role of spreading Black Elk's teachings as a source of spiritual enlightenment. Because of this many have questioned the legitimacy of his writing, claiming that he over embellished, condensed or interpreted what Black Elk said rather than writing down exactly what was told to him. Because of this lack of impartiality we are forced to recognize that even though Black Elk Speaks is said to be Black Elk's own words, in fact it is still a deviation large or small from what Black Elk likely truly believed.
Black Elk's Christian associations are hardly mentioned at all, further showing the incompleteness of the picture Neihardt is painting. It is clear he is creating an image by which people should stand in awe, a mythological symbol. Neihardt, with a light shining from a spiritual center cast a large shadow towards traditional Native American religion, creating an epic holy man that would influence white people's image of the American Native for ever.
Catholicism
In his adult life near the age of 45 Black Elk was baptized into the catholic church. This event more than any other in his life would serve to confound his life story behind two sides trying to claim him as their own.
Michael F. Steltenkamp has written multiple books about Black Elk that are biographical in nature. He describes Black Elk almost exclusively as a catholic who used his native religious beliefs only in service to the catholic church (Steltenkamp 1993). While most traditionalists describe the visions of Black Elk as a message from the creators of their own belief system, Steltenkamp takes great liberties in interpreting them instead as proof of Black Elk's devotedness to the catholic church. In describing the two roads Steltenkamp uses the two road teaching method of the christian missionaries of the time.
Because the native American's could not speak English often, and of course could not read the bible, the missionaries had pictures depicting two roads, one going to hell, the other to heaven, these two roads would intersect at various points. It was then tried to explain that the good path was the path of Jesus. Steltenkamp suggests that even though Black Elk had his visions before being exposed to missionaries or this concept of the two roads catechism, that the similarity between them might show that Black Elk was predestined to be a Christian disciple.
“according to both the vision and the map, the forces of evil have always contended with those of good. The vision's repetitive references to red, and red's association with the good make the map's Christ-event critical. That is the map's red section is identified with the christian era. It seems to be the path Black Elk prays his people might find and follow (Steltenkamp 1993: 96).”
Steltenkamp clearly interprets the visions of Black Elk in the only manner he seemed brought up to, which is in the christian sphere of good verses evil. This is a very strongly judeo-christian perspective and one that was one of the major miss-communications between the christian missionaries and the people they were trying to convert. As illustrated by Black Elk's vision it's self with in his culture it was much more common to see the world as in harmony. Death and pain were not evil, and money and wealth were not simply good. It was the flow of life, to live in the world meant to interact with life and death equally, one must kill to live, and be killed so that other could live.
Missionaries attempts to explain their religion fell short because they didn't take into account the Native Americans moral schema, which were entirely alien to their way of thinking. So even when native people came to accept Christianity, it was not as if they were practicing this religion in the same ways the whites would have. They would have taken the stories of Jesus and interpreted them within their own sphere of symbolism and understanding.
This is why I see Steltenkamp's interpretation as so far off the mark, but also see it as indicative of the folly that people who try to understand Black Elk, or any religious figure, always fall into. Because Black Elk's visions and explanations of those visions are so convoluted, but also so steeped in metaphor and symbolic imagery, it is very hard to understand, and because of the mythological nature of it it can really only be understood from your own sphere of experience, the things you have come to know and understand within your life. Because of this it is interpreted slightly differently by each person who hears about it. This is what leads to two people, like Steltenkamp and Neihardt hearing the same vision yet interpreting it so drastically differently.
While it is perfectly acceptable to interpret spiritual words such as these in anyway one must in order to understand them, the problem comes from the fact that Steltenkamp is attempting to write a historical book. But is heavily influenced by his obvious religious tradition (his book “Black Elk: Holy Man of the Oglala” was his doctoral thesis after having been a Jesuit priest for 2 years), and by the religious nature of his primary source, Lucy Looks Twice, Black Elk's daughter who was raised in a strictly catholic environment. This leads to further confusion about the man he is trying to depict. This, rather than creating a clear solid picture of a man which seems to be Steltenkamp's intent, further shrouds him. So still all we can see is the shadow of a historical man, cast by the light of a different religious intent.
Unfortunately for Steltenkamp's arguments against Neihardt, Steltenkamp is limited by the fact that his work has almost no direct words from Black Elk himself. Most of his “proofs” come from people talking about him, and most of them being priests of the time, or Native Americans who had already been converted. But of course also Lucy Looks Twice the daughter of Black Elk, but it is worth noting that the translator for Nicolas Black Elk was Ben Black Elk, the son of Nicolas leaving us to wonder which descendant is more right?
According to Steltenkamp himself, Neihardt asked Black Elk why he had taken to Christianity Black Elk is reported as having said “My children had to live in this world,” which seems it's self to contradict what he has set out to do in his book, essentially to paint Black Elk as a whole hearted convert to Christianity who rejected his old religious beliefs.
Dual Participation
In Clyde Holler's book Black Elk's Religion: The Sun Dance and Lakota Catholicism He proposes an alternate version to Neihardt's depiction of Black Elk as a pure traditionalist, and Steltenkamp's version of him as a devout catholic. He suggests that Black Elk followed each religion equally because the religions satisfied different needs for Black Elk.
In his chapter on Dual Participation he considers the Idea that the Lakota people accepted Christianity for purely social reasons (Holler 1995). That in order to maintain their culture they accepted the christian religious doctrine only as show. This places the spiritual practice still with the traditional beliefs. This is one theory also as to why Black Elk accepted Catholicism. It is suggested that he, as a leader within his tribe, recognized the best way to preserve his people was to play the game of the missionaries.
It seems somehow unlikely to me though that a person, let alone a whole group of people would participate in a religion for their entire lives under false pretenses. And it does not explain the incredible degree to which Black Elk took part in the Catholic church. Becoming a Catechist who taught his own people about Catholicism. It seems that Black Elk saw true spiritual value in the catholic faith.
It seems absurd to me that though people seem to have studied Black Elk so thoroughly, and yet I could not find a single person who considered that perhaps Black Elk found spiritual value in both religious practices.
The idea of “religion” was foreign to Native American culture. The idea that you have your life, then you have the things that you believe, and that those are some how two separate things. It's just the way things were, the gods were above and the stories were true. If I were to guess why Black Elk would have taken on the Catholic faith I would say it is probably because he was a profoundly spiritual person.
Black Elk took guidance from his visions, and from the world around him. I do not believe that he would have had any problem seeing the catholic faith as something that he was adding to his spirituality. I think the idea that he would have to replace one religion with another is a very simplistic idea. As a man of faith guided by his vision of the good red road and the tree of life Black Elk was a man who knew that the only sin was lack of participation in life, the good and the bad, the destructive as well as the creative. And as he was faced with multiple trials in his life, from the massacre at wounded knee, to the seizing of his people's land and the sacred peak that was the foundation of his vision, he accepted what came into his life.
I do not believe that the white catholic preists had a clear understanding of him as they interpreted him as a good catholic, for him I would expect that he was simply a spiritual man, living a spiritual life. A person who has experienced deep spiritual understanding sees that no religion is right, but all are paths to that which can't be understood. Black elk was a spiritual giant that was tall enough to see all the roads of man, he could see where they were going, and, being too big to simply walk one single path, walked where all roads intersected towards the light.
Conclusion
Black Elk is a figment, a shadow on the wall that has been fragmented by too many points of light trying to find him. In understanding this fact a person is left to take from his legacy what they will, knowing they can never know the man who spurred the spiritual moment that is named for him. As any mysterious figure in history from Jesus to Lao Tzu, he will be represented and re-represented in different ways as long as he is remembered.
But is there spiritual value in a legacy if the man is lost to history? Reading Black Elk Speaks can a person gain insight into his spiritual being even if it is not clear how much those words my have been influenced by the interpreter, the editor, and the speaker himself? I think they can. I believe that the words of Black Elk hold meaning for a movement, for a people searching for spiritual understanding in a time of struggle. The value is in the spirit of the words, not the words themselves. If there is a lesson to be learned from Black Elk's life it is to be flexible and open to the spiritual world and find it for yourself. Take Black Elk's words as a guide, take the bible as a guide, but in the end it is you who has to do the walking. It is you who has to navigate the rocks and the jungles that weren't mentioned in those guides.
Black Elk Speaks gives a way of existing in the world, but that was Neihardt's way, that was Black Elk's way, and that was developed by the place and time that they lived in. For those who take Black Elk Speaks as a spiritual book they must accept that in the end regardless of who your teacher is, you must understand the world yourself.
Works Cited
Steltenkamp, Michael. Black Elk: Holy Man of the Oglala. 1st. Norman: University of Oklahoma Press, 1993. Print.
Holler, Clyde. Black Elk's Religion: The Sun Dance and Lakota Catholicism. first. Syracuse: Syracuse University Press, 1995. Print.
Neihardt, John. Black Elk Speaks. 6th. Lincoln: University of Nebraska Press, 1988. Print.
Neihardt, Hilda. Black Elk and Flaming Rainbow. 1st. Lincoln: University of Nebraska Press, 1995. Print.
But How can we really say we know anything about Black Elk? This man lived a tremendous life, and had been influenced by so much of the blooming American country drunk on manifest destiny, but we know next to nothing of him, and his history. In fact we know far less about him than most people would expect.
Black Elk did not speak much English and so his life has largely been interpreted for him through sources other than himself. He could not write his own story and depended on others to tell it. But We can see through the many books written about him that he has been interpreted differently by each person who studied him based on the reason they had to listen. There is no primary source on Black Elk, no personal account of his own life. None of us has ever looked upon him and now we find we can only guess at who he was based on the shadows he casts. The light shining behind him that drove his life might never be understood. What we are left with is a myth of a man that was holy to many though few agree about what made him so. So what was Black Elk? A saint? A fool? A servant of Jesus? These are the questions we've asked of him for years, but they have long been the wrong questions. Inquiries by scholars of a mystic rarely entice true responses.
The Visions
In Neihardt's book the story of Black Elk's childhood is told. When he was very young he became sick enough that many thought he would die, a healer was called to tend to him but despite that Black Elk was unconscious for 12 days. Black Elk describes visions that he had during this time.
“behold the earth!” So I looked down and saw it lying yonder like a hoop of peoples and in the center bloomed the holy stick that was a tree and where it stood there crossed two roads, a red one and a black. “From where the giant lives (the north) to where you always face (the south) the red road goes, the road of good,” the Grandfather said,”and on it shall your nation walk. The black road goes from where the thunder beings live (west) to where the sun continually shines (the east), a fearful road, a rod of trouble and of war. On this also you shall walk, and from it you shall have the power to destroy a people's foes. In four ascents you shall walk the earth with power.” (J. Neihardt)
During this vision Black Elk is brought to the Sky to meet with the grandfathers of the universe, the creators of the world. He is given two gifts. One, water in a cup that he says represents the power to heal and grow life, the other a bow, the power to destroy beings and nations. In other words he is given the powers of life, birth and death being the two sides of the coin of living.
In addition to this he describes his nation as a hoop of people, and at the center of the hoop is the tree that he later describes as the tree of life growing at the top of the sacred mountain, which was his reference to Harney Peak in South Dakota. The two roads, the roads of destruction and the road good life cross right at the the sacred place where the tree of life grows, this is the symbolism saying that life is the balance point of these two forces that are the same as the two powers given to him by the ancient grandfathers. Though the vision is very long and includes many other symbols that are interpreted or not, I believe this to be the core message of his vision. It is a revelation to Black Elk of the nature of things, a giving of understanding about the life of his own nation, and the message that with this knowledge he is the voice of the grandfathers and those who know, to heal, and to teach his people, to engage them in the processes of life. He is not ordained into a system of man, but a system of transcendent understanding. This is a realization that I believe would influence his future actions.
The other major realization was that of the hoops. He says that he saw his nation as a hoop, which was one of many hoops that all existed and influenced each other. This understanding of different peoples interacting and having influence would, I believe, lead to his future relations with the new settlers.
The problem that arises comes from Neihardt him self. Neihardt was a self described spiritual student of Black Elk's, and a poet (H. Neihardt). He took on the role of spreading Black Elk's teachings as a source of spiritual enlightenment. Because of this many have questioned the legitimacy of his writing, claiming that he over embellished, condensed or interpreted what Black Elk said rather than writing down exactly what was told to him. Because of this lack of impartiality we are forced to recognize that even though Black Elk Speaks is said to be Black Elk's own words, in fact it is still a deviation large or small from what Black Elk likely truly believed.
Black Elk's Christian associations are hardly mentioned at all, further showing the incompleteness of the picture Neihardt is painting. It is clear he is creating an image by which people should stand in awe, a mythological symbol. Neihardt, with a light shining from a spiritual center cast a large shadow towards traditional Native American religion, creating an epic holy man that would influence white people's image of the American Native for ever.
Catholicism
In his adult life near the age of 45 Black Elk was baptized into the catholic church. This event more than any other in his life would serve to confound his life story behind two sides trying to claim him as their own.
Michael F. Steltenkamp has written multiple books about Black Elk that are biographical in nature. He describes Black Elk almost exclusively as a catholic who used his native religious beliefs only in service to the catholic church (Steltenkamp 1993). While most traditionalists describe the visions of Black Elk as a message from the creators of their own belief system, Steltenkamp takes great liberties in interpreting them instead as proof of Black Elk's devotedness to the catholic church. In describing the two roads Steltenkamp uses the two road teaching method of the christian missionaries of the time.
Because the native American's could not speak English often, and of course could not read the bible, the missionaries had pictures depicting two roads, one going to hell, the other to heaven, these two roads would intersect at various points. It was then tried to explain that the good path was the path of Jesus. Steltenkamp suggests that even though Black Elk had his visions before being exposed to missionaries or this concept of the two roads catechism, that the similarity between them might show that Black Elk was predestined to be a Christian disciple.
“according to both the vision and the map, the forces of evil have always contended with those of good. The vision's repetitive references to red, and red's association with the good make the map's Christ-event critical. That is the map's red section is identified with the christian era. It seems to be the path Black Elk prays his people might find and follow (Steltenkamp 1993: 96).”
Steltenkamp clearly interprets the visions of Black Elk in the only manner he seemed brought up to, which is in the christian sphere of good verses evil. This is a very strongly judeo-christian perspective and one that was one of the major miss-communications between the christian missionaries and the people they were trying to convert. As illustrated by Black Elk's vision it's self with in his culture it was much more common to see the world as in harmony. Death and pain were not evil, and money and wealth were not simply good. It was the flow of life, to live in the world meant to interact with life and death equally, one must kill to live, and be killed so that other could live.
Missionaries attempts to explain their religion fell short because they didn't take into account the Native Americans moral schema, which were entirely alien to their way of thinking. So even when native people came to accept Christianity, it was not as if they were practicing this religion in the same ways the whites would have. They would have taken the stories of Jesus and interpreted them within their own sphere of symbolism and understanding.
This is why I see Steltenkamp's interpretation as so far off the mark, but also see it as indicative of the folly that people who try to understand Black Elk, or any religious figure, always fall into. Because Black Elk's visions and explanations of those visions are so convoluted, but also so steeped in metaphor and symbolic imagery, it is very hard to understand, and because of the mythological nature of it it can really only be understood from your own sphere of experience, the things you have come to know and understand within your life. Because of this it is interpreted slightly differently by each person who hears about it. This is what leads to two people, like Steltenkamp and Neihardt hearing the same vision yet interpreting it so drastically differently.
While it is perfectly acceptable to interpret spiritual words such as these in anyway one must in order to understand them, the problem comes from the fact that Steltenkamp is attempting to write a historical book. But is heavily influenced by his obvious religious tradition (his book “Black Elk: Holy Man of the Oglala” was his doctoral thesis after having been a Jesuit priest for 2 years), and by the religious nature of his primary source, Lucy Looks Twice, Black Elk's daughter who was raised in a strictly catholic environment. This leads to further confusion about the man he is trying to depict. This, rather than creating a clear solid picture of a man which seems to be Steltenkamp's intent, further shrouds him. So still all we can see is the shadow of a historical man, cast by the light of a different religious intent.
Unfortunately for Steltenkamp's arguments against Neihardt, Steltenkamp is limited by the fact that his work has almost no direct words from Black Elk himself. Most of his “proofs” come from people talking about him, and most of them being priests of the time, or Native Americans who had already been converted. But of course also Lucy Looks Twice the daughter of Black Elk, but it is worth noting that the translator for Nicolas Black Elk was Ben Black Elk, the son of Nicolas leaving us to wonder which descendant is more right?
According to Steltenkamp himself, Neihardt asked Black Elk why he had taken to Christianity Black Elk is reported as having said “My children had to live in this world,” which seems it's self to contradict what he has set out to do in his book, essentially to paint Black Elk as a whole hearted convert to Christianity who rejected his old religious beliefs.
Dual Participation
In Clyde Holler's book Black Elk's Religion: The Sun Dance and Lakota Catholicism He proposes an alternate version to Neihardt's depiction of Black Elk as a pure traditionalist, and Steltenkamp's version of him as a devout catholic. He suggests that Black Elk followed each religion equally because the religions satisfied different needs for Black Elk.
In his chapter on Dual Participation he considers the Idea that the Lakota people accepted Christianity for purely social reasons (Holler 1995). That in order to maintain their culture they accepted the christian religious doctrine only as show. This places the spiritual practice still with the traditional beliefs. This is one theory also as to why Black Elk accepted Catholicism. It is suggested that he, as a leader within his tribe, recognized the best way to preserve his people was to play the game of the missionaries.
It seems somehow unlikely to me though that a person, let alone a whole group of people would participate in a religion for their entire lives under false pretenses. And it does not explain the incredible degree to which Black Elk took part in the Catholic church. Becoming a Catechist who taught his own people about Catholicism. It seems that Black Elk saw true spiritual value in the catholic faith.
It seems absurd to me that though people seem to have studied Black Elk so thoroughly, and yet I could not find a single person who considered that perhaps Black Elk found spiritual value in both religious practices.
The idea of “religion” was foreign to Native American culture. The idea that you have your life, then you have the things that you believe, and that those are some how two separate things. It's just the way things were, the gods were above and the stories were true. If I were to guess why Black Elk would have taken on the Catholic faith I would say it is probably because he was a profoundly spiritual person.
Black Elk took guidance from his visions, and from the world around him. I do not believe that he would have had any problem seeing the catholic faith as something that he was adding to his spirituality. I think the idea that he would have to replace one religion with another is a very simplistic idea. As a man of faith guided by his vision of the good red road and the tree of life Black Elk was a man who knew that the only sin was lack of participation in life, the good and the bad, the destructive as well as the creative. And as he was faced with multiple trials in his life, from the massacre at wounded knee, to the seizing of his people's land and the sacred peak that was the foundation of his vision, he accepted what came into his life.
I do not believe that the white catholic preists had a clear understanding of him as they interpreted him as a good catholic, for him I would expect that he was simply a spiritual man, living a spiritual life. A person who has experienced deep spiritual understanding sees that no religion is right, but all are paths to that which can't be understood. Black elk was a spiritual giant that was tall enough to see all the roads of man, he could see where they were going, and, being too big to simply walk one single path, walked where all roads intersected towards the light.
Conclusion
Black Elk is a figment, a shadow on the wall that has been fragmented by too many points of light trying to find him. In understanding this fact a person is left to take from his legacy what they will, knowing they can never know the man who spurred the spiritual moment that is named for him. As any mysterious figure in history from Jesus to Lao Tzu, he will be represented and re-represented in different ways as long as he is remembered.
But is there spiritual value in a legacy if the man is lost to history? Reading Black Elk Speaks can a person gain insight into his spiritual being even if it is not clear how much those words my have been influenced by the interpreter, the editor, and the speaker himself? I think they can. I believe that the words of Black Elk hold meaning for a movement, for a people searching for spiritual understanding in a time of struggle. The value is in the spirit of the words, not the words themselves. If there is a lesson to be learned from Black Elk's life it is to be flexible and open to the spiritual world and find it for yourself. Take Black Elk's words as a guide, take the bible as a guide, but in the end it is you who has to do the walking. It is you who has to navigate the rocks and the jungles that weren't mentioned in those guides.
Black Elk Speaks gives a way of existing in the world, but that was Neihardt's way, that was Black Elk's way, and that was developed by the place and time that they lived in. For those who take Black Elk Speaks as a spiritual book they must accept that in the end regardless of who your teacher is, you must understand the world yourself.
Works Cited
Steltenkamp, Michael. Black Elk: Holy Man of the Oglala. 1st. Norman: University of Oklahoma Press, 1993. Print.
Holler, Clyde. Black Elk's Religion: The Sun Dance and Lakota Catholicism. first. Syracuse: Syracuse University Press, 1995. Print.
Neihardt, John. Black Elk Speaks. 6th. Lincoln: University of Nebraska Press, 1988. Print.
Neihardt, Hilda. Black Elk and Flaming Rainbow. 1st. Lincoln: University of Nebraska Press, 1995. Print.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
an asignment in classs
She held her life in her own hands as if it were a pipe bomb ready to explode. she walked quietly, steadily, like each step could kill her, her voice was always quiet and apologetic enticing the gods to peace that she might not burst.
each day she did precisely what she should, as if one mistake would invoke ta wrath though from what she didn't know. as an atheist she didn't fear have anyone to fear, maybe that was why she feared everything.
how could she risk a bad grade, a love affair, an adventure, with this tempest at her back that she'd never seen and never felt but was sure waited for just the right moment to spring over her and send her to oblivion
She wanted to go to London, wanted to be a writer, she wished so dearly to have the chances others had. People she loved and respected, they had been around the world, they had created things to live for but how could she do this? It was dangerous, life was dangerous, didn't others see that? Life could hurt, maim, life destroyed, life killed. how could someone take on something so ruthless? How could a person say yes to life with all it's torments, with all it's gleaming knives and rusted spikes?
life had murder, war, selfishness, ignorance, rape, torture, injustice, life was unfair!
even worse life had dirt, sex, moist flesh. it had joy and sorrow and complexity, life was unpredictable.
better to stay here, better to stay in her classroom, learn other people's stories, study, become intelligent. Even if she never wrote a book, never left her home, it was better than accepting all life had to offer, it was better than saying yes to all that.
each day she did precisely what she should, as if one mistake would invoke ta wrath though from what she didn't know. as an atheist she didn't fear have anyone to fear, maybe that was why she feared everything.
how could she risk a bad grade, a love affair, an adventure, with this tempest at her back that she'd never seen and never felt but was sure waited for just the right moment to spring over her and send her to oblivion
She wanted to go to London, wanted to be a writer, she wished so dearly to have the chances others had. People she loved and respected, they had been around the world, they had created things to live for but how could she do this? It was dangerous, life was dangerous, didn't others see that? Life could hurt, maim, life destroyed, life killed. how could someone take on something so ruthless? How could a person say yes to life with all it's torments, with all it's gleaming knives and rusted spikes?
life had murder, war, selfishness, ignorance, rape, torture, injustice, life was unfair!
even worse life had dirt, sex, moist flesh. it had joy and sorrow and complexity, life was unpredictable.
better to stay here, better to stay in her classroom, learn other people's stories, study, become intelligent. Even if she never wrote a book, never left her home, it was better than accepting all life had to offer, it was better than saying yes to all that.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Feminist Issues in the Modern Pornographic Industry
Feminist Issues in the Modern Pornographic Industry
Pornography is a medium that appeals strictly to the most animal of instincts. Lust, desire, conquest, reward. It is sex devoid of humanity, devoid of emotional complexity, distilled from the homogeneous mystery of human experience to a potent moonshine that inebriates easily. But what is the effect of this pure stimulation on those that ingest it? With porn now more prevalent than at any other point in history, with men as the main audience, how does the necessarily increasing extremity of modern porn influence these men's perspective of women? And what is the feminist movement's perspective on the sex industry? Are the women in these videos empowered or victims, and what part should the porn industry play in our culture's collective sexual consciousness?
Does porn drive men to rape?
One constant critique of any pornographic images for as long as there has been pornography is the demoralization of those that participate in it. The idea that consumption of porn can lead to anti social, unpleasant or dangerous behavior.
The porn industry is one of growth, it has developed from back allies, to seedy shops to adult book stores. It made the jump to hotels and cable tv, and finally came into everyone's homes in the world with the internet. In modern times porn has become incredibly common place, with 80 percent of teens having been exposed to hard core porn more than once by the age of 17, and 90 percent of kids aged 8-16 having viewed porn online at some point in their lives(Ropelato 2009).
The porn industry thrives on the desires of men, but over exposure to porn has had an ill effect on the arousal of men who go in search of more explicit, and more extreme forms of stimulation. Because of this the number of online porn websites catering to specialized, fetishistic themes has grown tremendously. Some of these themes can be as simple as a sexual gratification associated with feet. But there are many sites that continue to push the envelope of sexual depiction. Sites with simulated rape, extreme degradation of women, extreme penetration and fisting, even snuff sites where a the female actress is simulated being killed, are growing in popularity. And as the extreme nature of porn increases, it is important to know the effect that has on people's actual sexual behavior. Does watching simulated rape increase the likely hood that a man will commit rape?
In Diana E.H. Russell's 1988 article “Pornography and Rape: a causal model”, Russell describes a number of studies done at the time that suggested men's predisposition to rape (Russell, 2000). She reported that 25 to 30 percent of men admitted they would commit rape if they believed they could get away with it. She also cited studies that showed that as much as 60 percent of men would become aroused while watching a pornographic rape scene if the women showed some signs of pleasure from the experience by the end.
Russell then goes on to a study preformed on men who were exposed to non-violent porn. The study consisted of showing the men 10 minutes of non violent porn then having them sit down to an interview with a woman who would conduct a survey. The study concluded that the men were far more sexist towards the women interviewer after having been exposed to the pornography. Russell uses these studies together to claim that a significant percentage of men are predisposed to rape women, but they do not because of inhibitions of one sort or another. But because porn is shown to lower inhibitions, especially while interacting with women, that porn is likely to increase a man's likely hood of rape.
This conclusion is easy to punch holes through however. Especially considering the study done on the men who were exposed to porn then given the interview by the female interviewer. The claim made was that exposure to porn lead men to objectify women more. This was shown by the fact that men were more likely to sit closer to the interviewer, and that the men noticed more about the woman's body and appearance than did men who were not exposed tot he pornographic images. But I believe this is greatly influenced by the bias of the experimenters. If a man is aroused it seems only natural that they would be more likely to display sexual behavior. The claim that this is “objectification of women” I think is unfounded.
But by looking at statistical information I think I can make a clearly contrary claim that in fact porn does not increase the likely hood of a man to rape a woman, nor does the prevalence of porn in society increase the rate of rapes committed.
The porn industry has grown exponentially in recent years. Since Russell wrote her article, the proliferation of the internet and cable tv so dramatically increased the exposure of people to porn that from 2001-2008 the rate of individual people accessing adult websites online jumped from 18.75 million to 75 million people each month (Ropelato 2009). That same time period has been witness to the increasing violence and extreme nature of porn especially on the internet.
But despite this tremendous increase of porn saturation within our American culture, the rate of rape within the country has actually decreased tremendously. When compared to the population the percentage of forcible rapes in 1988 was at 37.8 percent, where as in 2007 the rate had dropped to 30 percent ("Crime in the," 2008). And this despite the fact that the likely hood of a rape being reported has actually increased in that time (Taylor 2006).
Objectification of Women
Even if porn does not entice a man to rape at the drop of a hat, I think it is more than worth looking at the general message of porn in regards to women. In most pornographic films or pictures, the women is displayed as a fantastic object of desire. A thing to be coveted by those people watching. In fact the theme of many of these pornographic depictions of women is the showing of women as being degraded by men. Even in porn with no men, the women are displayed simply, as two dimensional sex dolls who's only joy in life is sex.
Now it is only fair to mention that in porn men are not displayed accurately in anyway either. They are displayed as sexual predators who derive their entire life's purpose from having sex with a woman. They are equally flat characters who display no humanity.
The Marquis de Sade is known for describing some of the most shocking works of sexual fiction known in the 1700's. And even today his works are often considered the outer extreme of pornographic works. In Sade's writings women were always the victims of sever abuse, mental physical and emotional. Stories in which women were viciously abused then murdered were not uncommon. Sade's propensity to practice what he preached landed him in prison many times in his life and he eventually died in an asylum. But his joy at causing people, especially women, harm led his name to be used in the creation of the word and concept of sadism, the derivation of sexual pleasure from inflicting harm.
Today online one can find writings, and even pictures and videos depicting almost everything that Sade ever wrote about, though the legality of those sites are still up for debate. But even if not hardcore sites, women are generally viewed as sexual objects and often abused in the pursuit of sex in many videos and websites. Men are almost always dominant over women who are displayed as willing or unwilling participants depending on the extremity of the website or video.
While in the 80's it seemed the feminist agenda had been on the possibility of porn to excite violence against women, in the modern age those feminists who have a problem with porn more readily cite the increasing expectations of women as sex objects as a result of their boyfriends and husbands being exposed to porn.
But this is not an argument leveled soley at the traditional porn industry. Modern media is increasingly sexually oriented. Magazines, models, tv, and advertisements have all long been the target of the feminist moment who decried the objectification of women. Saying that using women simply as things be desired dehumanized them, and harkened back to the days that women were property to be owned by men.
Pro Porn
This however leads to the very argument put forth by some staunch feminists who believe porn is, or could be used in service of, the very movement they support. With the sexualization of the American culture, with shows like “Sex in the City” and “Desperate Housewives” there are often simultaneous cries of protest and support coming form opposite wings of the feminist house.
As the con side of the argument exclaims that such shows depict an unreasonable model for women to live up to, that it is unhealthy mentally and physically. The idea of women who care mostly only for sex, for shoes and makeup is offensive. Women in these roles are seen as continued models of sexual objects, but even more so because of the fact that they are displaying themselves to other women as sexual objects creating a culture of women who believe that this is what women are supposed to be, objects of desire.
The other side of the argument though is that women have been sexually suppressed for hundreds of years. They have been denied their sexual selves. In these shows it is believed that a women is free to explore her own sexuality, and given license to be sexual. In shows like “Sex in the City” they will say that strong women are taking responsibility for their own sexuality and not letting it be controlled by men, instead these women are becoming the formulators of their own sexual identity, and in that creating an environment in which all women are free to cast off the shrouds of the Victorian era and be self actualized sexual creatures.
Danni Ashe , a porn model who owns her own website and makes a reported 8 million dollars a year and holds the world record for the “most downloaded woman in the world” was asked whether she thought that the porn she produced was derogatory to the models.
“Absolutely not, no. I think what I'm doing is helping to reverse some of the sexual repression that we have in this country about nudity and about sex. And I'm not a psychiatrist, but it seems to me, the more you repress your sexual feelings, the more they're going to pop up somewhere else in a really unhealthy way. In our culture, we repress a lot of sex, and we repress our anger, and what you see coming out is a lot of violent pornography. And, you know, it's my theory that that's a direct result of our culture's repression(Ashe 2002).”
Conclusion
In the end I think that Pornography in it's present form is rightly very offensive to the feminist ideal. The degradation of women and the presentation of them as sex objects is not in holding with the idea of women being free. But I think it is not the answer for porn to be limited, as Danni Ashe says:
“I think all media, including pornography, is a mirror of what's going on in our collective subconscious. It's something that's surfacing in us, in our culture, otherwise it wouldn't be there. And I think it has a lot to do, as I was saying before, about repressing sexual desires and anger. You repress them both, and all of a sudden it bounces back and in kind of ugly ways (Ashe 2002).”
I believe that at the moment porn represents a very flat view of sex, creating myths and misconceptions about how sex is actually. But I think porn it's self can be the answer, I think people, especially kids, who go in search of porn do so because they are curious about sex, they want to see it, understand it. I think that the answer would be production of sexually explicit materials that rather than simplifying the realm of sexuality, went on to describe it in full would draw a strong audience but more importantly would serve to educate and grow our culture towards healthy sexuality. I offer this web site as a model of that ideal http://the-clitoris.com/
Works Cited
Ropelato, J. (2009, october 30). Internet pornography statistics. Retrieved from http://internet-filter- review.toptenreviews.com/internet-pornography-statistics.html
Taylor, L.R. (2006). Has Rape reporting increased over time?. National Institute of Justice, Retrieved from http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/nij/journals/254/rape_reporting.html
(2008, September). Crime in the united states. Retrieved from http://www.fbi.gov/ucr/cius2007/data/table_01.html
Russell, D.E.H. (Ed.). (2000). Pornography and rape: a causal model. New York NY: Oxford University Press.
Kirk, M. (Producer). (2002). American porn [Web]. Retrieved from http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/porn/
Ashe, Danni. (2002). Interview with danni ashe. Retrieved from http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/porn/interviews/ashe.html
Pornography is a medium that appeals strictly to the most animal of instincts. Lust, desire, conquest, reward. It is sex devoid of humanity, devoid of emotional complexity, distilled from the homogeneous mystery of human experience to a potent moonshine that inebriates easily. But what is the effect of this pure stimulation on those that ingest it? With porn now more prevalent than at any other point in history, with men as the main audience, how does the necessarily increasing extremity of modern porn influence these men's perspective of women? And what is the feminist movement's perspective on the sex industry? Are the women in these videos empowered or victims, and what part should the porn industry play in our culture's collective sexual consciousness?
Does porn drive men to rape?
One constant critique of any pornographic images for as long as there has been pornography is the demoralization of those that participate in it. The idea that consumption of porn can lead to anti social, unpleasant or dangerous behavior.
The porn industry is one of growth, it has developed from back allies, to seedy shops to adult book stores. It made the jump to hotels and cable tv, and finally came into everyone's homes in the world with the internet. In modern times porn has become incredibly common place, with 80 percent of teens having been exposed to hard core porn more than once by the age of 17, and 90 percent of kids aged 8-16 having viewed porn online at some point in their lives(Ropelato 2009).
The porn industry thrives on the desires of men, but over exposure to porn has had an ill effect on the arousal of men who go in search of more explicit, and more extreme forms of stimulation. Because of this the number of online porn websites catering to specialized, fetishistic themes has grown tremendously. Some of these themes can be as simple as a sexual gratification associated with feet. But there are many sites that continue to push the envelope of sexual depiction. Sites with simulated rape, extreme degradation of women, extreme penetration and fisting, even snuff sites where a the female actress is simulated being killed, are growing in popularity. And as the extreme nature of porn increases, it is important to know the effect that has on people's actual sexual behavior. Does watching simulated rape increase the likely hood that a man will commit rape?
In Diana E.H. Russell's 1988 article “Pornography and Rape: a causal model”, Russell describes a number of studies done at the time that suggested men's predisposition to rape (Russell, 2000). She reported that 25 to 30 percent of men admitted they would commit rape if they believed they could get away with it. She also cited studies that showed that as much as 60 percent of men would become aroused while watching a pornographic rape scene if the women showed some signs of pleasure from the experience by the end.
Russell then goes on to a study preformed on men who were exposed to non-violent porn. The study consisted of showing the men 10 minutes of non violent porn then having them sit down to an interview with a woman who would conduct a survey. The study concluded that the men were far more sexist towards the women interviewer after having been exposed to the pornography. Russell uses these studies together to claim that a significant percentage of men are predisposed to rape women, but they do not because of inhibitions of one sort or another. But because porn is shown to lower inhibitions, especially while interacting with women, that porn is likely to increase a man's likely hood of rape.
This conclusion is easy to punch holes through however. Especially considering the study done on the men who were exposed to porn then given the interview by the female interviewer. The claim made was that exposure to porn lead men to objectify women more. This was shown by the fact that men were more likely to sit closer to the interviewer, and that the men noticed more about the woman's body and appearance than did men who were not exposed tot he pornographic images. But I believe this is greatly influenced by the bias of the experimenters. If a man is aroused it seems only natural that they would be more likely to display sexual behavior. The claim that this is “objectification of women” I think is unfounded.
But by looking at statistical information I think I can make a clearly contrary claim that in fact porn does not increase the likely hood of a man to rape a woman, nor does the prevalence of porn in society increase the rate of rapes committed.
The porn industry has grown exponentially in recent years. Since Russell wrote her article, the proliferation of the internet and cable tv so dramatically increased the exposure of people to porn that from 2001-2008 the rate of individual people accessing adult websites online jumped from 18.75 million to 75 million people each month (Ropelato 2009). That same time period has been witness to the increasing violence and extreme nature of porn especially on the internet.
But despite this tremendous increase of porn saturation within our American culture, the rate of rape within the country has actually decreased tremendously. When compared to the population the percentage of forcible rapes in 1988 was at 37.8 percent, where as in 2007 the rate had dropped to 30 percent ("Crime in the," 2008). And this despite the fact that the likely hood of a rape being reported has actually increased in that time (Taylor 2006).
Objectification of Women
Even if porn does not entice a man to rape at the drop of a hat, I think it is more than worth looking at the general message of porn in regards to women. In most pornographic films or pictures, the women is displayed as a fantastic object of desire. A thing to be coveted by those people watching. In fact the theme of many of these pornographic depictions of women is the showing of women as being degraded by men. Even in porn with no men, the women are displayed simply, as two dimensional sex dolls who's only joy in life is sex.
Now it is only fair to mention that in porn men are not displayed accurately in anyway either. They are displayed as sexual predators who derive their entire life's purpose from having sex with a woman. They are equally flat characters who display no humanity.
The Marquis de Sade is known for describing some of the most shocking works of sexual fiction known in the 1700's. And even today his works are often considered the outer extreme of pornographic works. In Sade's writings women were always the victims of sever abuse, mental physical and emotional. Stories in which women were viciously abused then murdered were not uncommon. Sade's propensity to practice what he preached landed him in prison many times in his life and he eventually died in an asylum. But his joy at causing people, especially women, harm led his name to be used in the creation of the word and concept of sadism, the derivation of sexual pleasure from inflicting harm.
Today online one can find writings, and even pictures and videos depicting almost everything that Sade ever wrote about, though the legality of those sites are still up for debate. But even if not hardcore sites, women are generally viewed as sexual objects and often abused in the pursuit of sex in many videos and websites. Men are almost always dominant over women who are displayed as willing or unwilling participants depending on the extremity of the website or video.
While in the 80's it seemed the feminist agenda had been on the possibility of porn to excite violence against women, in the modern age those feminists who have a problem with porn more readily cite the increasing expectations of women as sex objects as a result of their boyfriends and husbands being exposed to porn.
But this is not an argument leveled soley at the traditional porn industry. Modern media is increasingly sexually oriented. Magazines, models, tv, and advertisements have all long been the target of the feminist moment who decried the objectification of women. Saying that using women simply as things be desired dehumanized them, and harkened back to the days that women were property to be owned by men.
Pro Porn
This however leads to the very argument put forth by some staunch feminists who believe porn is, or could be used in service of, the very movement they support. With the sexualization of the American culture, with shows like “Sex in the City” and “Desperate Housewives” there are often simultaneous cries of protest and support coming form opposite wings of the feminist house.
As the con side of the argument exclaims that such shows depict an unreasonable model for women to live up to, that it is unhealthy mentally and physically. The idea of women who care mostly only for sex, for shoes and makeup is offensive. Women in these roles are seen as continued models of sexual objects, but even more so because of the fact that they are displaying themselves to other women as sexual objects creating a culture of women who believe that this is what women are supposed to be, objects of desire.
The other side of the argument though is that women have been sexually suppressed for hundreds of years. They have been denied their sexual selves. In these shows it is believed that a women is free to explore her own sexuality, and given license to be sexual. In shows like “Sex in the City” they will say that strong women are taking responsibility for their own sexuality and not letting it be controlled by men, instead these women are becoming the formulators of their own sexual identity, and in that creating an environment in which all women are free to cast off the shrouds of the Victorian era and be self actualized sexual creatures.
Danni Ashe , a porn model who owns her own website and makes a reported 8 million dollars a year and holds the world record for the “most downloaded woman in the world” was asked whether she thought that the porn she produced was derogatory to the models.
“Absolutely not, no. I think what I'm doing is helping to reverse some of the sexual repression that we have in this country about nudity and about sex. And I'm not a psychiatrist, but it seems to me, the more you repress your sexual feelings, the more they're going to pop up somewhere else in a really unhealthy way. In our culture, we repress a lot of sex, and we repress our anger, and what you see coming out is a lot of violent pornography. And, you know, it's my theory that that's a direct result of our culture's repression(Ashe 2002).”
Conclusion
In the end I think that Pornography in it's present form is rightly very offensive to the feminist ideal. The degradation of women and the presentation of them as sex objects is not in holding with the idea of women being free. But I think it is not the answer for porn to be limited, as Danni Ashe says:
“I think all media, including pornography, is a mirror of what's going on in our collective subconscious. It's something that's surfacing in us, in our culture, otherwise it wouldn't be there. And I think it has a lot to do, as I was saying before, about repressing sexual desires and anger. You repress them both, and all of a sudden it bounces back and in kind of ugly ways (Ashe 2002).”
I believe that at the moment porn represents a very flat view of sex, creating myths and misconceptions about how sex is actually. But I think porn it's self can be the answer, I think people, especially kids, who go in search of porn do so because they are curious about sex, they want to see it, understand it. I think that the answer would be production of sexually explicit materials that rather than simplifying the realm of sexuality, went on to describe it in full would draw a strong audience but more importantly would serve to educate and grow our culture towards healthy sexuality. I offer this web site as a model of that ideal http://the-clitoris.com/
Works Cited
Ropelato, J. (2009, october 30). Internet pornography statistics. Retrieved from http://internet-filter- review.toptenreviews.com/internet-pornography-statistics.html
Taylor, L.R. (2006). Has Rape reporting increased over time?. National Institute of Justice, Retrieved from http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/nij/journals/254/rape_reporting.html
(2008, September). Crime in the united states. Retrieved from http://www.fbi.gov/ucr/cius2007/data/table_01.html
Russell, D.E.H. (Ed.). (2000). Pornography and rape: a causal model. New York NY: Oxford University Press.
Kirk, M. (Producer). (2002). American porn [Web]. Retrieved from http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/porn/
Ashe, Danni. (2002). Interview with danni ashe. Retrieved from http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/porn/interviews/ashe.html
Thursday, October 29, 2009
I'm not a Writer
I'm not a writer at heart. I've come to discover this as I take one more class after another that involves some form of creative writing. It's not because I'm bad at writing that I say this, it's not because I don't think I could be good if I really spent time on it, it comes down more to inner passion. Writing is tedious, it's long, it takes effort, editing, grammar, spelling, all things I hate. Homework self imposed is a journal.
Writing is often called a craft because it's not simply saying things, it's saying things with a dedication to beauty, to construction. Placing the words in such an order that an idea flows forth, that divinity is born from nothing but letters on a page. This craft brings the soul out because the words are right, the craft of assembling those words, that is the craft of writing. But I have little interest in this, the words are always secondary to me, in fact the words often get in the way. The story is what is important, the story is my passion.
I know for sure that I am a story teller, I would give up pen and paper forever in exchange for a flame, glowing eyes, and open ears. I would be happy to describe adventure and sorrow night after night, telling the same events but never using the same words, because the words are important only in service to what needs to be said. Stories are the real power, stories transform.
I've seen kids become adults for an instant while reflecting the light of the fire when I've reached the end and the silence falls. I've met people who couldn't remember my name but knew every detail about the old man and the young archer after hearing of them only once from my lips. I've seen people change.
I live life in pursuit of a story, or a few stories, and nothing makes me happier. When things go terribly wrong and all I can do is wonder how I got so deep buried in shit, I always have a glimmer of optimism, devious against dispare shining in the back of my mind saying “but imagine the story you'll tell when you survive.”
I've said that on my death bed all I'd like is a story to tell and people to listen. There has to be people, I can't have stories with no one to tell them too, I can't just send my words out into the dark to be forgotten, if that's all they are then why not let them just bounce around in my head like they always have? When I started writing a blog I was finally able to continue writing. Only 4 people read it as far as I know, but that's enough, I know someone out there has heard what I'm saying.
Writing is just a medium to me, a device through which adventures are drawn out of my head and smeared on a page. It's not the real thing, it's not the real thought, but it's as close as I've gotten so far. If I thought it would help I'd shave off bits of gray matter and hand it to people on the street saying “know me” diminishing my self each time, but thinking it a worthwhile sacrifice through out.
“Know me” I say not “like me” I write to be heard, to be known, it's not about writing things that people will enjoy, it's about writing things that people can know. In writing I am telling you about me. I am telling you about you. And it's important to never let the words get in the way of the idea.
I am not a writer because I am not enmeshed in it. I know people who write like it's their opiate, people who write on the edges of menus and cereal boxes when they can't find a piece of paper. Those are the true writes, people for whom putting words down is akin to breathing. I am not a writer because the breath of my soul doesn't come from words it comes from meaning, it comes from stories, it comes from experience. I use writing to figure out what my passion is, I write to describe it so that perhaps I can figure it out. But I know writing is not the end for me. Writing is just the process of investigating the mystery that pulls me forward.
Writing is often called a craft because it's not simply saying things, it's saying things with a dedication to beauty, to construction. Placing the words in such an order that an idea flows forth, that divinity is born from nothing but letters on a page. This craft brings the soul out because the words are right, the craft of assembling those words, that is the craft of writing. But I have little interest in this, the words are always secondary to me, in fact the words often get in the way. The story is what is important, the story is my passion.
I know for sure that I am a story teller, I would give up pen and paper forever in exchange for a flame, glowing eyes, and open ears. I would be happy to describe adventure and sorrow night after night, telling the same events but never using the same words, because the words are important only in service to what needs to be said. Stories are the real power, stories transform.
I've seen kids become adults for an instant while reflecting the light of the fire when I've reached the end and the silence falls. I've met people who couldn't remember my name but knew every detail about the old man and the young archer after hearing of them only once from my lips. I've seen people change.
I live life in pursuit of a story, or a few stories, and nothing makes me happier. When things go terribly wrong and all I can do is wonder how I got so deep buried in shit, I always have a glimmer of optimism, devious against dispare shining in the back of my mind saying “but imagine the story you'll tell when you survive.”
I've said that on my death bed all I'd like is a story to tell and people to listen. There has to be people, I can't have stories with no one to tell them too, I can't just send my words out into the dark to be forgotten, if that's all they are then why not let them just bounce around in my head like they always have? When I started writing a blog I was finally able to continue writing. Only 4 people read it as far as I know, but that's enough, I know someone out there has heard what I'm saying.
Writing is just a medium to me, a device through which adventures are drawn out of my head and smeared on a page. It's not the real thing, it's not the real thought, but it's as close as I've gotten so far. If I thought it would help I'd shave off bits of gray matter and hand it to people on the street saying “know me” diminishing my self each time, but thinking it a worthwhile sacrifice through out.
“Know me” I say not “like me” I write to be heard, to be known, it's not about writing things that people will enjoy, it's about writing things that people can know. In writing I am telling you about me. I am telling you about you. And it's important to never let the words get in the way of the idea.
I am not a writer because I am not enmeshed in it. I know people who write like it's their opiate, people who write on the edges of menus and cereal boxes when they can't find a piece of paper. Those are the true writes, people for whom putting words down is akin to breathing. I am not a writer because the breath of my soul doesn't come from words it comes from meaning, it comes from stories, it comes from experience. I use writing to figure out what my passion is, I write to describe it so that perhaps I can figure it out. But I know writing is not the end for me. Writing is just the process of investigating the mystery that pulls me forward.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
magnets
Love is off on the edge of my horizon
because I'm polarized and my
positive side is addressing
that force charged positively
it floats around trying to find
it's way in, orbiting my arms and
legs and head and face
I grab Love in both hands,
I draw it close
I caress it's face
it's warm body
smooth skin
soft
I believe in it's beauty
I want to kiss it
hold it against my chest
It needs me too
With out me Love
is a river with no bed,
electricity with no wire
but it also cannot stand
me and the harder I pull
the stronger it
pushes back
so I pour all my strength into it
pulling love in.
I feel it hurt
as the force cracks
my ribs,
breaks my nose,
makes me bleed,
I draw it in,
harder
Harder!
HARDER!!
until,
finally,
I flip
.
because I'm polarized and my
positive side is addressing
that force charged positively
it floats around trying to find
it's way in, orbiting my arms and
legs and head and face
I grab Love in both hands,
I draw it close
I caress it's face
it's warm body
smooth skin
soft
I believe in it's beauty
I want to kiss it
hold it against my chest
It needs me too
With out me Love
is a river with no bed,
electricity with no wire
but it also cannot stand
me and the harder I pull
the stronger it
pushes back
so I pour all my strength into it
pulling love in.
I feel it hurt
as the force cracks
my ribs,
breaks my nose,
makes me bleed,
I draw it in,
harder
Harder!
HARDER!!
until,
finally,
I flip
.
Friday, October 9, 2009
pictures from october 9th, 2009
These days I am so busy with school I haven't had much time to write anything. Not to mention the fact that I have a journaling class where I write most of my stuff these days so I haven't been putting anything here, but here are a very more pictures I took today while wandering around.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
more pictures on 9/26/09
I went to the industrial area near the pearl, and down under Burnside bridge, riding my bike today
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Photo Blog of downtown today
toxic lobster
Bike
my shadow
some stuff under a bridge
bound to happn
this guy said he was just waiting for the train cause he liked to watch them go by
down by the water front
homeless couple that said they'd been married for 20 years, the guy said his wife would flash me if I took her picture, I said I was happy to take the picure but declined the peep show
police horses
my favorite building in down town
old graffiti that someone decided to preserve and now people accept as art
Rich people's apartments on the waterfront
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